The Cotton Ball Diet

Hi ya! How're you doing today? Need to shed a few pounds to prepare for holiday feasting? Yeah... me, too. I have a new diet to tell you about - that you DON'T want to try. First though, wander over to the coffeepot and fill your mug. On your way back, nudge a virtual treat or two onto your plate.  Y'know, I thought he Tapeworm diet was as bad as weight loss fads could get, but I was mistaken. Desperate dieters keep coming up with new, innovative methods to shed pounds. The latest trend is to eat cotton balls soaked in orange juice, lemonade or smoothies.

It’s all over the internet. Chat rooms, YouTube videos and blogs are describing to young women how the cotton ball diet is done. The trend is said to have caught on after model Bria Murphy (Eddie Murphy’s daughter) admitted to seeing models subjecting themselves to this diet. “I’ve heard of people eating the cotton balls with the orange juice. They dip it in the orange juice and then they eat the cotton balls to help them feel full,” Murphy told her interviewer on Good Morning America.

The idea behind the cotton ball diet is to feel full without having to gain weight. Some practitioners stick to just eating cotton all day. Others chow down on these fillers before a meal, so they can eat less. Dieters are able to swallow as many as five juice-dipped balls in one sitting, before they feel completely full.

No sirree! Not for me. Right now I'm on a no bread diet. That's a tough one for me being a breadoholic and loving to bake as well and with the holidays coming up. Holy Tamales (Can't eat those either)! Such stamina, eh! Believe it or not, I do have willpower...though won'tpower would be a better term. Haven't had a slice of bread, chocolate chip cookie, biscuit slathered in butter, piece of apple pie with ice cream, jam tart, almond croissant, cheese danish, et al for about a week now. Trouble is, I accidentally broke our bathroom scale last week (No, I didn't step on it and push it beyond the max!). It's a long story but it's not working so I don't know how much I've lost so far. I'll keep you posted. Without bread, I do feel less lethargic in the evenings. That much I can tell you.

Anyway, they can keep their cotton balls diet. Even with our stomach acids working overtime, it's got to be dangerous to eat cotton, don't'cha think? I don't want any part of it and sure don't recommend it to anyone. Melon balls are okay! 

See ya, eh!

Bob