Pay me now or pay me later

Hi ya! How’re you faring today? Me? In harmony with the flow of the universe as usual…the only question being… which universe? Grab an empty mug and fill it from the pot of freshly-made Robusta coffee. (My fingers wanted to type ‘freskly’ which I don’t think is a word but I like tke sound of it, don’t you? Come up with a meaning, why don’t’cha!). While you’re pondering that one and munching happily on a bakery treat, here’s an item about a persistent single mum…

Frances Ragusa, 75, was back in court in Brooklyn, N.Y., in June claiming child support she said was never paid by husband Philip Ragusa, 77, in their divorce settlement of 33 years ago. (The "children," of course, long ago became adults, but the $14,000 judgment has grown, with interest, to about $100,000.)

Frances told the New York Post in July that she called Philip several months earlier to discuss the amount but that Philip merely began to cry.

"Don't let this case go to trial," she recalled telling him. "If you think I'm going to forget it, Phil, you're stuck on stupid." [New York Post, 7-11-2011]

Hey Phil, I don’t know how you’re fixed financially, being a pensioner and all, but it sounds as though you ought to take out a life-insured loan and settle this out of court because in case you haven’t figured it out yet, Frances is going to haunt you till you pay or die and even then, who knows.  Hey…maybe you can borrow the money from your kids!

See ya!

Bob

Comment from Tokyo Paul (in Thailand) re: Elvis

When my sister and her family visited Pattaya 5 years ago, one of the highlights of her trip was the “Live Elvis Show” program in Jomtien. We had reserved a table, because my sister is a real Elvis devotee, but since we were the only ones there, she got quite a bit of attention from Elvis anyway. Of course, the Thai Elvis was about us 5'8" tall, he probably weighed about 110 pounds, and he had a distinct Thai accent when he did some of his songs. I think the best part of the show for her was when he sat in her lap and sang “Hound Dog” to her.

Comment from John in Erinsville, ON:

What a crock.
Everyone knows Elvis is alive and well and living in Tweed, Ontario.
There have been several documented sightings of him comingling with all
the impersonators on August 16 every year.
The date of his supposed death (August 16) was actually the day I was born
and Babe Ruth died.
Hope this clears up any confusion.

Bob’s reply to both:

Well I guess that shows that at least the memory of Elvis is alive and well. Don’t get me started on whether Elvis could be existing in multiple universes where time is irrelevant, eh!

He’s alive! The King is Alive!

Well, hey there! A treat to see you today! What’cha’ll up to, huh? Fill your mug to the brim and corner one of those round delicious-looking doughnuts on the top shelf while I bring you the good news that “The King is alive…or at least so claims board-certified Kansas City, Mo., psychiatrist (and University of Kansas School of Medicine graduate) Dr. Donald Hinton. He told reporters in February (2002) that "Elvis Aron Presley, the entertainer (whom) everybody believes died in 1977," is alive and that Hinton has been treating him for migraine headaches, among other things, for five years.

Hinton, 35, said he has several items from Presley containing his DNA and has continually denied that he's running a scam. An Elvis Presley Enterprises official was unfazed, insisting that Elvis is still "in the garden (at Graceland)."

(Update: Dr. Hinton subsequently self-published a book, co-authored with Elvis, explaining their relationship, and was subsequently investigated by the Missouri Healing Arts Board, which ultimately closed the investigation without charges.)

I’ve actually been to Kansas City. That of course is the KC that’s in Missouri. There is another one across the river, Kansas City, Kansas. I remember talking with someone in a dispensary of liquid libations called Hoolihan’s while I was in KC and asking about the other KC. I was told it wasn’t such a great place. Part of the actual quote was, “Hell, I wouldn’t even send my mail through there!”

I thought KC, Mo was quite a decent place though prone to tornadoes and there was a tornado warning while I was there. Didn’t see anyone wearing blue suede shoes or gyrating as though his hemmorhoids were bothering him.

Didn’t see Dorothy or Toto, either come to think of it.

See ya!

Bob

I’ll be the judge of that!

Hiya! Thanks for clicking by today! Always glad when you can find time to do that. Makes my day! Splash some fresh coffee on your shoes – oops, I mean in your cup… and delicately lift one of those huge Apple Dutchies off the top shelf. Judging by the size, they’ve’s gotta be a handful, eh!

Now here’s something to tickle your fancy… well it seemed to be tickling somebody’s fancy and ticking off other folks. The usual furtive restroom photographer is male, but sheriff's deputies in Plantation, Fla., arrested Rhonda Hollander, 47, in July and charged her with several misdemeanors and a felony stemming from an episode in which she allegedly followed a man inside the men's room at the West Regional Courthouse and snapped photos of him at a urinal.

Hollander insisted she had violated no law, and indeed the charges against her were only for conduct after she was confronted by deputies (when she continued to take pictures as they led her away). But…wait for the kicker…

Hollander is actually Judge Hollander, who works in the building as a traffic magistrate. (Guess it must have been a slow day in court.) There was an unconfirmed  rumour around Plantation that the reason she was taking pictures in the men’s room was because she wanted to have them enlarged!

See ya!

Bob

Say…I don’t suppose Judge Hollander is related to Xaviera Hollander – the infamous international call girl do you? I once tended bar at a private party in Toronto and Xaviera was there. In fact, she was behind the bar with me for a while. That set the ol’ ticker ticking, I’ll tell you!

Y’all come back here with that beer!

G’day to you. Nice to see you! Wazzup? It’s early in the week so the coffee’s a little extra strong today to perk you right up. Snag one of those goodies on the top shelf as well. A little sugar at this time of the day is good for you. Don’t tell your doctor I said that, okay? Say…I was reading where, back in June in the Houston suburb of Alvin, Texas, a petite, 42-year-old Walmart customer came across three men running out of the store carrying shoplifted beer. She decided that it was up to her to take a stand because, as she said later, she was "sick of the lawlessness."

The woman (whose name, coincidentally, is Monique Lawless) chased the men, climbed onto the hood of their getaway car, even jumping up and down on it, to delay their escape.

The three were eventually arrested: Sylvester Andre Thompson and his brothers Sylvester Durlentren Thompson and Sylvester Primitivo Thompson. Say, Bob, why do you suppose all three brothers are names Sylvester?

Now, that ought to be obvious – makes it real easy to call them for dinner!

See ya!

Bob

A fishing story…

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Bonjour! Great to see you even though technically I can’t unless you’ve got your webcam turned on and you’re sitting by the computer and…never mind. Glad you clicked by today! Fill your mug and choose a treat before they get away. Now we all know that governments have their quirks, eh? Some of the things they come up with leave you wondering how they got elected. In Thailand, they tried telling people they couldn’t buy gas after midnight. Well sure, folks ought to be home in bed, right… except for the trucks and buses that run overnight. How about ambulances, policecars, etc? Well, fill up early! I think that went by the boards though.

At the moment, you cannot buy alcohol in a supermarket between 11:00 AM and 2:00 PM. Our beloved powers that be figure it will cut down on missing work, accidents and what have you. Of course, you can still get a drink anywhere else and if you’ve a mind to purchase a bottle of hooch or a ‘24’ of beer, why just go around the corner to a little shop. They’ll be happy to sell you whatever you need no matter what time it is.

Here’s a story for you from my hometown…

In May, following near-record floods in fields south of Montreal, Quebec, farmer Martin Reid made sure to apply for his fishing license because he had learned the hard way that when his land gets flooded, he cannot remove the fish washed onto it unless he is a licensed fisherman. Say what?

After flooding in 1993, Reid and his father failed to secure a license and were fined $1,000. A second offense brings a fine of $100,000.

So what’s the reasoning here, eh?  Easy…when your land gets flooded, it becomes a lake and you cannot fish in any lake in the Province of Quebec without a fishing license! Simple enough, huh?  I don’t know what would have happened if he waited till the water dried up. Would it still be classed as a lake, albeit dried-up? Of course the fish would be getting a little pongy by then, I’d think, eh! Better to pay your $20 (or whatever the current fishing license fee is) and then have fish dinners till the trout runs out!

See ya!

Bob

Comment from Bones:

The gestation period of Russian Hooters is 16 days... you will have to remath your computations

Bones from Québec











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If I could make it at Hooters…

Yee Haw! Hearing your click in my left ear sets the coffee in my cup to tingling…or maybe it’s Parkinson’s setting in. Fill your mug, choose a delicacy and come sit a spell. Old habits die hard, don’t they? I was just reading where Tennessee State Rep. Julia Hurley apologized in July and said she would pay for the refinishing of her desk in the legislative chamber after it was revealed that she had carved her initials in it during a January session.

"It was like one in the morning on the last day of the session," she told a local TV station. "I wasn't thinking straight." Carved your initials anywhere else, Julia?

Rep. Hurley, 29, who has a daughter, 14, unseated a nine-term incumbent legislator in 2010 with a campaign that touted her time as a Hooters waitress. "If I could make it at Hooters," she wrote in the restaurant's magazine, "I could make it anywhere."

Lemme think on that a second or two now… she’s 29 and her daughter’s 14 which means, hmmm…29 – 14 = Holy Hooters! Why that’d be 15 or pretty darn close, even allowing for new math. Now taking into account a 9-month pregnancy, it’s pretty fair to say, she would have been, now let me think, oh yeah… 14 when conception took place. That’s a polite way of saying she ‘took seriously something poked in fun!’ She was barely (excuse the pun) into her teens. Maybe it was just something in the air at Hooters, huh? Though I’m sure she would have been too young to officially work at the ‘restaurant’ at the time.

This higher math just plain tuckers me out! I need a sugar fix. Hand me a double chocolate glazed doughnut, would you?

See ya!

Bob

Dancing for the Dead

Hey there! Nice to see you and hearty thanks for clicking by. Slide on over to the coffee pot and pour yourself a healthy dose of life-extending Arabica juice. While you’re there, snag one of those scrumptious looking virtual doughnuts – double chocolate with Bavarian cream. Hold it above your head for a minute or so to let all the calories jump out. If anyone asks what you’re doing, tell ‘em straight. Chances are, they’ll never bother you again! Okay…now on to today’s witerature…

For years, many traditional funerals in Taiwan -- especially in rural areas or among working classes -- have included pop singers and bikinied dancers, supposedly to entertain the ghosts that will protect the deceased in the afterlife.

According to a recent documentary, some of the dancers until 20 years ago were strippers who did lap dances with funeral guests, until the government made such behavior illegal. Wait a minute, there, Bob… how old are these dancers now, eh?  Sounds as though they’ll be dancing at their own funerals soon!

Contemporary song-and-dance shows, like the traveling Electric Flower Car, is a wheeled, neon-lit platform upon which women strip down to their bare essentials. These shows supposedly appeal to "lower" gods who help cleanse the deceased of the more mundane vices such as gambling and prostitution (compared to the "higher" gods who focus on morality and righteousness).

Hey, no one knows for sure, right? So go for it. Appease all the gods, I say. Why take chances… though how a bunch of long-in-the-tooth strippers is going to do that is beyond me.

See ya!

Bob