Chinese Hospitals Introduce Automatic Sperm Extractors

Hey there! I was wondering when you would click by today. As usual, your timing is spot-on. Madge just refreshed the coffee pot (We replace it ever 19 minutes and 39 seconds). Fill ‘er up and chow down on a virtual low-fat doughnut. Boy, have I got a dandy new invention to tell you about.

No, this is not a joke, it’s not fake, Chinese hospitals really are using automatic sperm extractors for the most serious medical purposes. I thought this was something you’d want to know about.

Automatic sperm extractors are being introduced in a Nanjing hospital. The news hit Weibo, China’s largest social platform and it spread like wildfire. It contained some photos of the unusual machine, and a brief description of its functions. Apparently, the “massage pipe” in front of the device can be adjusted according to the height of its user, and the speed, frequency, amplitude and temperature at which it operates can also be set according to personal preference.

When turned on, the screen of the extractor starts playing movies with surround sound to get the user in the right mood. The entry also said “now you can make that money standing up”, referring to the usage of the extractor for sperm bank donations, but the director of the urology department at Zhengzhou Central Hospital was quick to dismiss this rumour. Apparently, the machine is only used by infertility patients who are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way. (Uh-huh!)

Yeah… wait until they figure out how many kazillions they can make by selling the machines to bars around the world. Whoa… I don’t think I’ll follow this line of reasoning much farther. No…I’m just going to sit here, drink my coffee, participate in a personal muffin munch, turn on my mental imagery and have a good snicker or two.

See ya, eh!

Bob