Nuts About Love
Driving through Southern California, I stopped at a
roadside stand that sold fruit, vegetables and crafts. As I went to pay, I
noticed the young woman behind the counter was painting a sign. “Why the new
sign?” I asked.
“My boyfriend didn’t approve of the old one,” she said.
When I
glanced at what hung above the counter, I understood. It declared: “Local Honey
Dates Nuts” – Contributed by Theodore Bologna
******
More Than a Greeting Card
My friend Mark and I work in a lawn-mower-parts
warehouse. Somehow Mark got the idea that his wife did not want a card on
Valentine’s Day, but when he spoke to her on the phone he discovered she was
expecting one. Not having time to buy a card on his way home, Mark was in a
quandary.
Then he looked at the lawn-mower trade magazines scattered around the
office — and got an idea. Using scissors and glue, he created a card with
pictures of mowers, next to which he wrote: “I lawn for you mower and mower
each day.”
Mark’s wife loved it. The card immediately graced their refrigerator
door. – Contributed by Gene Hyde
******
Irresistible Irony
About a year had passed since my amicable divorce, and I
decided it was time to start dating again. Unsure how to begin, I thought I’d
scan the personals column of my local newspaper. I came across three men who
seemed like they’d be promising candidates.
A couple of days later, I was
checking my answering machine and discovered a message from my ex-husband. “I
was over visiting the kids yesterday,” he said. “While I was there I happened
to notice you had circled some ads in the paper. Don’t bother calling the guy
in the second column. I can tell you right now it won’t work out. That guy is
me.” – Contributed by Pat Patel
******
Making the Grade
My high-school English teacher was well known for being a
fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes
of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an
extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription:
“BE MINE.”
The following day, I received in return a valentine from the
teacher. It read: “Thank you, but it’s still BE MINE-US.” – Contributed by Brad
Wilcox
******
Devoted and Determined
During World War II my parents had planned a romantic
Valentine’s Day wedding. Suddenly my father, then stationed at Camp Edwards in
Massachusetts, received orders to prepare to ship out, and all leaves were
canceled. Being a young man in love, he went AWOL. He and my mother were
married four days earlier than originally planned and he returned to base to an
angry sergeant.
After hearing the explanation, the sergeant understandingly
replied, “Okay, okay!” Then, as an afterthought: “But don’t let it happen
again!” – Contributed by Sandra L. Caron
******
So there you go... and remember that wherever you go...there you are!
See ya, eh!
Bob
PPS: Here's a recipe for you:
Red Velvet Cupcakes
Ingredients:
- 1 and 1/3 cups (160g) all-purpose flour*
- 1/4 cup (60g) cornstarch*
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 4 teaspoons (6g) natural unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 cup (60g) unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
- 1 cup (200g) granulated sugar
- 1/2 cup (120ml) canola or vegetable oil
- 2 large eggs, room temperature and separated
- 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 1/2 teaspoon distilled white vinegar
- liquid or gel red food coloring*
- 1/2 cup (120ml) buttermilk, room temperature*
Cream Cheese Frosting
- 8 oz (224g) full-fat cream cheese, softened to room temperature
- 1/4 cup (60g) unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
- 2 cups (240g) confectioners' sugar
- 1-2 Tablespoons (15-30ml) cream or milk
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350F degrees. Line a 12-count muffin pan with cupcake liners. This recipe makes 14 cupcakes, so you will have 2 cupcakes to bake in a 2nd batch.For the cupcakes: Sift the flour and cornstarch together to make sure it is evenly combined. Whisk this, along with baking soda, cocoa powder, and salt together in a medium bowl. Set aside.
Using a handheld or stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the butter on high speed until smooth and creamy - about 1 minute. Add the sugar and beat on high speed for 2 minutes until creamed together fairly well. Scrape down the sides and up the bottom of the bowl with a rubber spatula as needed. Add the oil and beat on high for 2 minutes. The butter may look "piece-y" and not completely combine with the oil. This is normal and ok.
Add two egg yolks and the vanilla. (Set the egg whites aside.) Beat on medium-high speed until combined. Scrape down the sides and up the bottom of the bowl with a rubber spatula as needed. Beat in the vinegar and the food coloring-- until you reach your desired color. I use 2 Tablespoons. With the mixer on low speed, add the dry ingredients in three additions alternating with the buttermilk, beginning and ending with the dry ingredients, and mixing each addition just until incorporated. Do not overmix.
Whisk or beat the 2 egg whites until thick and foamy, about 3 minutes. Fold into cupcake batter with a rubber spatula or wooden spoon. The batter will be silky and slightly thick. (If there are still pieces of butter - and there were in 1 test batch for me - again, this is ok. They will melt inside as the cupcakes bake, making them even more buttery.)
Spoon batter into cupcake liners filling 1/2 - 2/3 of the way full. Bake for 20-21 minutes or until the tops of the cupcakes spring back when gently touched and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Don't overbake; your cupcakes will dry out. Allow to cool in the pan for 5 minutes, then transfer to a rack to cool completely.
Make the frosting: In a medium bowl using a handheld or stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the cream cheese and butter together on medium speed until smooth, about 2 minutes. Add the confectioners’ sugar and 1 Tablespoon cream. Beat for 2 minutes. Add the vanilla and 1 more Tablespoon cream if needed to thin out. Beat on high for 1 full minute. Taste the frosting and add a pinch of salt if too sweet. Frost cooled cupcakes immediately before serving. I used a Wilton #12 tip; I don't recommend a star tip. This frosting is a little too thin.
Unfrosted cupcakes remain fresh covered tightly at room temperature for 2 days. Store frosted cupcakes in the refrigerator for up to 3-4 days and allow to come to room temperature before serving. The baked cupcakes (without frosting) may be frozen up to 3 months. Thaw overnight in the refrigerator.
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